I’m just going to go for it. I don’t think anybody reads this, but I feel like typing. Not necessarily like wrITing, but just hearing the clickety-clicks…
It’s been a difficult few months for me. I’ve had a lot of God-convictions and Death-convictions, and I’m so thankful that I’ve been able to tell the difference for the most part. Pastor Field used to say something that I’ve always remembered… “God’s callings are His enablings.” I’ve been thinking and meditating on that, and what I’ve come to realize is that: When God sees an unrighteous way in me, He gives me the conviction, along with the courage to turn away from it. Now, you’d think that Death (insert “evil,” or “Satan,” etc) would try to keep me aWAY from conviction and continuing in my unrighteousness, but he’s crafty. He’s discovered that a more effective way of keeping me in my sin (separation from God) is to bEAt me over the head with it. So Death gives me the conviction, but while I’m staring at it, wondering what to do about it, he steals away my courage to turn away from it.
So anyway. I’ve had a LOT of conviction and NO courage, for QUITE some time. Funny, though: Death doesn’t realize that he’s leading me right down to rock-bottom, which is where God’s waiting for me with all the courage and Love in the world.
I’m not so happy about my job right now. I hate to say that on the internet because I think my boss stalks me, but I’m pretty sure she knows that I don’t enjoy it. I have a good attitude (most of the time) and do my job well, but I can’t ignore the fact that I just-doggone-it work soOO much better when I’m around people, customers, etc. I LOVE customer service. If I had my way, I would so totally work at Panera again… if I could live off it.
Well, I thought I was going to write for a long time, but it looks like my bed is getting lonely… so I think I’m going to go console him. It’s kind of funny that he’s got a ship on his headboard, and I cry oceans in him every night. No, I’m not emo.