Dear Dowry,

I always think that line when I’m journaling. I wonder where it came from. I wonder from whence it came.

WELL. It’s been an exCiTiNG few weeks, to be sure! So much going on, so many steps taken! So much fruit! So much Life! Everything seems to be MOViNG for the first time in AGES. Not really though. I always feel that way, but when I stop and really think about it, it really has been a process to get here; lots of little steps, lots of preparation, lots of armor and training and patience. I feel like a soldier who’s been wounded big time in battle (his fault? Enemy’s fault? Little of both?), and has had to spend a hefty amount of time in recovery. As soon as my brain started working, I figured I could get up ‘n head into battle again, but as soon as I stepped out of bed, I realized that my body was going to need a while to heal itself. So I just had to LAY in BED for EONS. Man. Recovery kinda sucks. Regardless, I feel now like I’m practically back to normal! Got some scarring, got some less-than-toned spiritual muscles, but BOY have I got some patience and some WiSDOM now. Not about to make the same mistakes I made in battle last time..

So I’m making four flower girl dresses for my friend Ashley’s wedding in a couple of weeks. I made two similar to these a couple of months ago, so you’d think I’d have a little more guts for these.. but no. I had a lot of gusto!– buying the fabric and notions, but now that I’m sitting in front of it (literally, it’s all over me right now), I’m experiencing a deluge of fear about the whole thing. I know I can do it. I know I can do it well (enough). I even have (conveniently) a portfolio piece to prove it. I think what’s terrifying to me right now is the foundational idea I’ve been building on (where these dresses are concerned); namely, that a relatively large part of the satisfaction of the bride on her wedding day depends.. ON YOURS TRULY. Me. In a small sense, I am the center of the universe. Is this true? (I just burst into a fit of sputtering giggles inside my head.) Please, God, no.

Every good and perfect gift comes from above. I’ve been graced with a talent. I can use that for the glory of the Giver, or by claiming ownership over it, I can beat it into what I want it to look like, taking the Life right out of it. It SURE IS a FACT that whenever I find myself thinking I’m “all that” with my MULTiple, AWEsome, GLORious talents and giftings (law..), the spark of life in them starts to fade. There’s no joy in using them. They become a burden. And I put them on the shelf. But when I go to the Giver, and collapse in His arms.. His tendency has been to JOLT my heart, mind, soul, will, and gifts with a peaceful, eternal power. Mmm. Peaceful, eternal power. That’s it. Siiiigh.

Well, that was a good little pep talk to myself. I think I may just be ready to tackle these little poofs. They’re going to be sO CUTE!! There’s just not a lot more lovely to look at than a six year old girl enjoying her own beauty. SQUEEZY!!!

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